Candy Walmart And Androids OH MY
by FearIsButFearItself
Summary: What happens when Lavi and Yu are sent to go grocery shopping at Walmart? DESTRUCTION OF WALMART, CORVETTES CRASHING THROUGH THE BLACK ORDER AND USE OF KOMURUIN! Never give Lavi and Yu a credit card...


Fibfi-Chan: NEW RANDOM STORY TO HELP WITH MY WRITERS BLOCK!

Blank: FIBFI-CHAN DOESN'T OWN D. GRAY-MAN!

Deke: IF SHE DID EVERYONE WOULD BE GAY AND THERE'D BE NONSTOP YAOI!

Fibfi-Chan, Deke & Blank: READ!

Lavi and Yu jump out of there corvette, determined to complete the mission of ULTIMATE DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

They awesomely put on there awesome sunglasses and walked up to the store in front of them: WALMART. THE WORST STORE EVVVVVVEEEEEEERRRRRR! Why do people like it? Are they really akuma and androids, working in the Walmarts, which later turn out to be akuma factories? TODAY WE SHALL FIND OUT!

Lavi: Dude, we're gonna have ta go in there, and TOTALLY NOT blow our cover! Got it?

Yu: Got it!

They stopped in front of the EVIL WICKED doors of Walmart, totally horrified, not knowing what to expect.

Lavi: On the count of three. One, Two, Thr-

Yu: WAIT! What on the count of three?

Lavi: We enter on the count of three.

Yu: Enter? Why would we need to do that?

Lavi: So we can finish the mission!

Yu: Okay!

Lavi: Wait, do ya have Komui's credit card that he wants us to buy the stuff on the shopping list with?

Yu: Hmm let me check –begins emptying pockets- cell phone, pen, peanut, pencil, candle, lighter, OMG CANDY! –eats candy- chop sticks, bonsai tree, porn, popcorn, paperclip, video game, another video game, ANOTHER video game,

Lavi: -sweat drop-

Yu: keyboard, random hot chick,

Random Hot Chick: Hi!

Lavi: -facepalm-

Yu: sword, chain saw, movie, dog, cat, painting, book, another book, a bunny, AH HAH! CREDIT CARD!

Lavi: …okay…LET US GO IN THEN!

Yu: Okay, I'M READY!

Random Hot Chick: I'M NOT! THAT'S THE WORST STORE EVER! LATER! –runs off into the sunset-

Lavi & Yu: …

Lavi: Alright….mind explaining why she was in your pocket? And how she fit?

Yu: Uhm…ignoring the pocket part, and she fit because, MY POCKETS ARE MIGICAL!

Lavi: …migical? Don't you mean magical?

Yu: No, I mean migical.

Lavi: …what's migical mean?

Yu: Wands, leivitaion, spells, ya know. Migic.

Lavi: I think you mean magic…

Yu: No, I mean migic.

Lavi: …right….anyway, we enter on the count of three, one, two, thr-

Yu: WAIT! Why do you get to count?

Lavi: Cause I want to.

Yu: What if someone else wants to?

Lavi: Fine. COUNT.

Yu: When did I say I wanted to?

Lavi: Just a few seconds ago.

Yu: No, I said what if someone else wanted to, that doesn't mean I want to.

Lavi: …LETS JUST GO IN THE STUPID STORE!

Yu: Okay.

Once they walk inside

Random Worker Named George: Would you like a cart?

Yu: AHHH! –jumps several feet away- EVIL! –pulls out sword, activates it and points it at George-

Lavi: WTF MAN? –pulls out hammer, activates it, makes it HUGE and points it at George- DON'T TRY TO TRICK US, WE'RE NOT FALLING FOR IT!

Random Worker Named George: I was just asking. No need for violence.

Lavi: GOOD! Come on Yu, lets just keeeeeep going. –puts hammer away-

Yu: Mmkay Lavi. –sticks tongue out at George as he passes him and puts sword away-

Lavi: Lets get the things on the list!

Yu: YAY!

Random Worker Named George: They almost blew my cover as a sex android….phew…

Random Hot Chick In A Bikini: Hey there sweety, wanna have some fun tonight?

Random Worker/Android Named George: HELL YEAH!

After Lavi and Yu walk around for a while

Yu: HEY, LAVI COME HERE!

Lavi: What is it Yu? Are the akuma attacking? Did we blow our cover?

Yu: No, look! –has a toy spongebob tied on his leg with fishing line- I'm gonna run around the store and act like spongebob's chasing me! Watch!

Moments later…

Eldery Man: And then, we went down to the river and drowned Tommy.

Eldery Woman: Oh, that's so n-

Yu: OMFGBBQ SPONGBOB'S CHHHHHASINNNNNNGGGGGGGG MMMMEEEEEEEEEE! MOMMYYYYYY! MAKE THE BAD MAN GO AWAAAAAAYYYYYYY! WWAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

Walmart Worker #1: Don't worry son, we'll save you!

Walmart Worker #2: I TOLD YOU SPONGEBOBS EVIL!

Yu: WAAAAHHHHHHHHH! HE WANTS TO KIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLL MMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Walmart Worker #1: -tackles spongebob making Yu trip and fall on his face- You alright kid?

Yu: -secretly slides fishing line off his leg and stands up- Yeah, thanks! –runs off to the hysterical Lavi, rolling around on the floor crying he's laughing so hard-

Walmart Worker #2: That was…weird…

Lavi: MAN! I NEVER THOUGHT YOU OF ALL PEOPLE WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT! HAHAHAHAHAH!

Yu: I know, now come on! We gotta get everything on the list!

Lavi: Alright, lets go to the grocery section!

In the grocery section

Yu: And that's everything on the list. And I don't think that there ARE any akuma here.

Lavi: Yeah. Alright, lets go.

Yu: -frozen in place-

Lavi: Yu…?

Yu: Lavi….look….-points in front of them-

Lavi: What is it Yu? –freezes in place after seeing what Yu pointed to- Are those…?

Yu: Yup….they are….

Lavi & Yu: Candy bars…. –gawks at the huge tower of candy bars in front of them-

Lavi: Ya think Komui would mind if we bout them…?

Yu: He'll kill us…but it's worth it…

At the cash register

Cashier: Your total is….17535738937509 dollars, and 63 cents.

Lavi & Yu: -exchange evil glances- CREDIT CARD! –hands cashier credit card-

Cashier: Wow….it's….GOLD! –hands credit card back-

Lavi: Thank you, now lets go!

Yu: YAY!

Lavi & Yu: CANDY CANDY CANDY CANDY CANDY!

Millenium Earl: Did someone say CANDY~~~?

Lavi & Yu: OMFGITME! (Oh My Freakin God It's the Millenium Earl)

Millenium Earl: What did you say?

Lavi & Yu: -runs to the car, puts everything in the trunk, gets in and GTFOT!- (Gets The Freak Outta There)

Black Order HQ Fifteen Minutes Later

Lenalee: I wonder if those two are alright...

Allen: Yeah, they've been gone an awfully long time...

CRASH! Lavi & Yu: -get out of the car that crashed into the cafeteria jump out and start running around in circles- OMFGBBQWSTMEAHWSDFAUTE! (Oh My Freakin God BBQ We Saw The Millenium Earl And He Was Super Duper Fat And Uglyer Than Ever) WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Everyone: ...

Lavi & Yu: WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! –grab there chocolate bars, which everyone notices, cause there's like, 10000 of them at the least, drop the recite and credit card on Komui's lap and run like hell- DON'T KILL US KOMUI!

Awkward silence

Lenalee: Komui, why would you want to kill them?

Allen: Yeah, what did they do?

Komui: I don't know, lets see the damage then, shall we?

Everyone: -crowds around Komui to see the recite-

Komui: -reads the recite, and go's a dark dark DARK red, from his anger- Reever...

Reever: Yes Komui?

Komui: Get me Komuirin...those two are going to die.

Reever: -looks at the recite and pales- Y-Yes sir...

A Few Minutes Later

Lavi & Yu: IT WASN'T OUR FAULT! WWWAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Komui: YES IT WAS! YOU BOUGHT OVER 10000 CANDY BARS!

Lavi & Yu: BUT THEY LOOKED SOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOOOOD!

Komui: AND WE CANT RETURN THEM BECAUSE YOU TWO ALREADY ATE THEM!

Lavi & Yu: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! SOOOOOORRRRRRRRRYYYYYYY!

Komui: GET BACK HERE SO KOMURIN CAN KILL YOU!

Lavi: HAHAH YU DID YA HERE THAT? HE ONLY WANTS YOU DEAD, NOT ME!

Yu: NU HUH! HE WANTS US BOTH DEAD!

Komui: CORRECT KANDA! NOW IF YOU BOTH WOULD SLOW DOWN, I COULD KILL YOU EASIER!

Lavi & Yu: LET US LIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEE! WAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Fibfi-Chan: ...

Blank: ...

Deke: ...interesting ending...

Blank: ...ignore Fibfi-Chan's major problems in the head and review...

Fibfi-Chan: ...


End file.
